Do you fear taking decisions - What you can do about it?

 The other day, my partner brought a very important observation up for our discussion. It was my growing habit of seeking approval from him on each and every thing - from everyday decisions like what meals to cook, daily grocery shopping choices, what to wear to bigger ones like holiday planning, work related decisions etc. Another striking observation made by him was that when I am on business travels, I take my own decisions, I plan for my weekend trips, practically decide everything own. So why do I exhibit a different behavior when I am with him. Why can't I take decisions and trust it will all go well?

Does this situation sounds familiar (or I am the only one odd here). I am sure, some of you can relate to this. Think of the last time when you took a decision all by yourself that had consequence on your closed ones? When we are alone, we take decisions or are made to take decisions and we trust them. But when others are involved in the consequences directly or indirectly, quite often we seek approvals on our decisions from a close aid. And we often label it as 'taking guidance' though deep down in our hearts what we are seeking is someone to approve that we are on right track. 

For some, making decisions can be a terrifying prospect of everyday life. This habit may have different driving factors such as fear of something going wrong, fear of rejection of our choices, fear of disapproval as a decision-makers that comes from having made a bad decision or just a lack of clarity on what exactly is needed. The end result is low confidence and getting stuck in a loop. The person is unable to move forward to new experiences.  

Tips to overcome the fear, lift oneself and shine:  

Some may attribute this fear to gender differences in decision making such as women are more risk averse to men etc. But I would like to address this issue by rising above the gender equation. Here are few strategies, some of them I have practiced in the past, some I read and found it appealing to give it a try, practice them mindfully to become a better decision-maker:

1. Being more compassionate to myself: Many a times we fear taking a decision despite being logical. One of the ways to overcome subconscious fear is via meditation. Through meditation, we can practice to be self-compassionate and try to be non-judgmental on ourselves. As per scientific studies, on continuous practice, meditation can have profound impact on our sub-conscious mind helping us to make decisions based on self-belief. 
2. Self-talk to learn to trust myself: This is an amazing technique. I learnt this when I was attending a Women Leadership Summit in Infosys. The concept is very simple. Every morning, get up and stand in a  powerful pose, take a deep breath and give a loud shout "I am a good decision -maker and I trust my decisions." Repeat it 5 times. This may sound hilarious but it definitely works to boost one's confidence. I have tried it in the past and I shall try it again now. 
3. Reduce the number of everyday decisions: Steve Jobs practiced it. Elon Musk practices it. Reduce the decision-making in everyday life so as to focus one's energy on big decisions. I admit it openly that I am a spoiled daughter-in-law. Back in India, I never had to take these daily decisions of what to cook, what to buy etc. My sweet mother-in-law made it so easy for us. After moving to new country without her, I was spending way to too much of my time on taking small decisions and usually ended up irritating my partner with these small decisions. I remembered back in India, we made an entire list of meals for seven days. And I tried to do the same here. Preparing a set meal menu for each of the weekday, wearing a standard clothes for outings and having a set routine reduces the stress of everyday decisions. And if my partner has a difference of opinion, he puts it across and suggests an alternative. Win-win situation!
4. Adding layers of perspective: 'What ifs' scenarios usually holds us back from making decisions. The mystery element - uncertainty factor - adds to our tension. There are two ways to look at this. One way (which is also the most common suggestion) is to think the worst case possible. 'What is the worst thing thing that can happen if I take this decision?' Such a strategy helps one to prepare mentally to face the consequences. I used this technique recently while making a career related decision. Another way is to add a different person perspective whom we trust and admire. 'How would Ms. X would have done it?'. This is very common technique we see in movies where cops are trying to chase the bad boys. Don't you think it is worth giving a shot and see what options can we come up with! 
5. Breathe: If small decisions add a lot of stress, take a pause and breathe. Take a deep breath. If possible, take a small nap. Sleep and deep breathing helps to de-stress and clear the mind of unwanted things. It helps us to be conscious of the present moment and think through what's going on. With a  clear mind, its easy to write down the decision, commit to it and move on with life! 

If you have any interesting ideas to deal with the fear of making decisions, please do share it with me in the comment section.