12th September, 2009. Saturday. 4:00 p.m. outside temp-38 degree. Inside temp-38 degree( credit to electricity board for 7 hours power cut) patient status: body temp-100 degree.
My nose leaking, my throat in pain, my body aching, my eyes almost closing after every half minute but still my mind trying its best to deceive sleep.
Because there is kind of war going between my thoughts..Ahh..thoughts about the past & future, what happened and what will happen but not “what is happening”….( n I seriously don’t even want to think about my present situation)
It’s true that what we are today is because of our past, how we dealt with our life and its foilables, fallacies, fancies and fun. And what we’ll be tomorrow is decided what we do “today”. But we often neglect our present when we are dreaming about our future or trying to reason out our past by thinking “what if I would have done so..”
Now this “if” clause is also very interesting. “What if I would have studied…”, “what if would have gone there..” , “what if I will get ….” In Hindi we say, “aisa hota toh kya hota” and seriously, it creates havoc in my mind… especially when it reminds me of my unsuccessful attempts reducing my present zing to zilch. But yes, sometimes it does bring a smile on my face when it takes me to the dream world and let me have a look to my perfect future…!!!!
But most of the times, it leaves me questioning my own decisions. At times, I accept them and other I let them go. Some decisions were precarious. Some were truly disastrous. Some brought me peace. And some were just….. I can’t do anything about it and even if I m given a magic wand to change my past, I don’t know whether it will make my life better or worse.
And so , I decided that better to stick with my “present”. A GIFT that I have, why loose this time that’s in my hand and about which I m sure to something that I am uncertain or which is unchangeable. Rather use my experience, let it guide my present actions to build a better and brighter future. So that when I look into mirror after 30-35 years and reflect on my life, I have a wonderful path to look upon.
"We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand... and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late."-Marie Beyon Ray