Thursday, February 21, 2013

When I killed Myself for a Little CREDIT !

 Sometimes we expect too much to happen over a short span of time.  Well, life changes in a matter of few seconds but here I am talking about something else.  I am talking about your work-life, your office – the place you are married to ;)

What do you go through- when you have really put in so much of efforts in your work but you are not given the due recognition? I am quite sure, each one of you reading this post must have faced a similar situation at least once in your life. What are your feelings at that point of time? How do you handle the whole situation? Of course, you don’t end up shooting your boss (though we do dream about it). How do you move on? Do you learn something from all those situations?
Before you dive into your emotional memory zone and start looking for answers, here’s a small sneak peek into how I went about this whole scenario of hard work, luck and much more. Interesting part is, my reaction has changed as many time I have confronted such a situation in my life.
(It includes all my experiences when I thought I deserved much more than I was given. And some part of it is fictional too. So please don’t bother yourself much about thinking when this happened in my life. )

Ever since my birth, my parents always taught me to work hard (and earn brownie points).  Diligently following this piece of advice, I made it a point to put in my cent percent in whatever I do. And gradually, it became my characteristic. But the first time came too early in my life. The first time when I didn't get my desired result. I felt cheated. I thought the whole world was being unfair to me. Poor soul. Angered, I pledged NOT TO WORK HARD.

But as they say, something that runs in your blood is hard to avoid. I had to break my promise. And I thought maybe I just ran out of my luck, good luck. But no, result was no different the second time. Yes, I again met a disappointed result. No one acknowledging my efforts. This time, I promised TO WORK HARDER, HARDER THAN BEFORE, and HARDER THAN EVER.  (A contrast to my first promise)

The third time I faced this situation and I was like, it’s Over. How could I be the victim of this bad luck again and again? Few wise people told me it’s not fate; it’s all about doing Smart Work. Eww.. SMART WORK.  Yes, the work culture had changed. Success’s definition was not defined just by hard work but it was more about smart work. I observed and learned from the people I studied with, worked with. And I was happy, finally, I knew the success formula- HARD WORK + SMART WORK (the deadliest weapon in my hand that could knock down anyone, mind you, anyone!!!!)

Confident that finally I will be on the top, my efforts will pay off, I continued to work. But I was too blinded by my own faith that I overlooked what was happening around me, by the people whom I trusted, whom I worked with. It happened again. I was back to square one. I found myself missing from the achiever’s list. This was the FOURTH TIME.. You must be kidding me. Again all this shit.  It was then; I was introduced to this corporate world.  WELCOME TO THE CORPORATE WORLD, MISS ARUSHI. The place where office politics is a part and parcel of the people’s life. If you don’t know how to play or if you wish to stay away, then bear the brunt of the someone’s game.
(I thought all this happened only in our movies, in reel world. But no, it was a stark reality I had to face) I had to make a decision, whether or not to join this game. To see myself on the top, my vision was blurred by the glittering wild phantasms of fame and recognition at that time. I got into this dirty business. Over the period of time, it just got dirtier and dirtier. I somehow, started losing my interest in work. I was more occupied with the concerns of others rather than the outcome of my result.

 But did it all pay? Yes, it paid-off. I finally got what I always wanted. An award, a recognition, name, fame.. (Of course money followed).

But if today, you ask me- Was it all worth for? I would say – NO.
No, because I had lost the voice of my conscience. I let my values get diluted.
No, no because I was standing all alone. There were people around me who looked at me with same jealousy and envy in their eyes, something that reminded me, of how I felt years back standing at their place. And I knew exactly what’s going to happen to this crowd standing in front of me.  I had just shown them one of the ways to the top- which I now doubted.

I had so many questions in my mind and I still do. I don’t know what I did was right. Being selfish for your own betterment is a right thing to do especially when the world around you is so selfish to you? Is there another way I could have chosen? Should I be practical or should I be virtuous and principled?
This is not the end. My life has just begun. And I have much more to achieve. The question in front of me is – How? Certainly, I know one thing, I cannot do this all again. I cannot but get my hands dirty again. There has to be another way. And I am left to discover it. More potent question is – Do I work to get somebody’s recognition? Or I do work for I love doing it? Do I have to prove myself to this world? What If I chose to silently work and keep living my life? There’s a series of questions coming in my mind. A lot to ponder and act..

But, what about you? Have you been let down by your fate, by your friends, by your circumstances? Have you been in a situation when you thought you were rightfully denied what were yours and only yours? When you had put in efforts to make the presentation and some other colleague took the laurels away from you?  What was your reaction and the course of action? Please, do share your thoughts with me in the comment section.

P.S: It’s just amazing how each experience of your life teaches you something about your own-self, your inner characteristics, your strengths and your weaknesses. They say it correct- Life’s all about the journey, a journey which leads to self-discovery.
Continuing the blessed journey of my life, celebrating each moment !!!!  


  1. first of all very honestly and sincerely done......yes welcome!! ARUSHI to this world ..

    lots of question ...lot must to be answered .
    but the best way to not to puzzled ur brain ,ur values or ur characteristic...

    u better 9 we have examples of well known persons for instance ...Steve Jobs ....Mark

  2. WOW...madame Arushi....nicely done...the way i see it and experience it there are 2 ways going about success in life...One is the way u just mentioned...the other is to follow what u feel inside...u won't get success straight away then...u will be rejected...ridiculed...people will run ahead in the race...but u keep going the way ur heart tells u to...ponder and think always whether u are following what u 'intensely' feel inside...stay very true to yourself..cliched but yes very true...people will notice u...u shouldn't feel excited even at that point...then people start praising u...don't stop still...then u get what u want...recognition, fame..and yes success...

    p.s- this is what i follow , so i shared with u honestly...grt piece again!!

  3. Well, I dnt have ur problem.. I nvr feel i've done enough. So anything I do get is a plus.. Bt having said tht, thr r times whn I've missed by inches, whn i've had my name on a prize only to have it handed over to some1 else.. I jst choose to believe it wasn't meant to be, I take the story and leave the regret behind..i've had awards I tht I'd tht I wanted bt they dn't always represent wht u tht they would, To me they are all stories, and they aren't always pretty. I trust in the great balancing act, I trust in the ledger, I trust in doing whtevr lets me sleep at night.. Coz. To me all awards are just stories.. U cannot pick which one will physically stand on ur mantle bt u can pick what it says - the ones u hav and ones u don't.. And I pick ones tht let me breathe ;-)

  4. P.s- I do believe we get out due, both good and bad tho not always the way we expect it. So. Keep at it - one step at a time..

  5. Hi, Arushi,
    good effort to make some-one to open the Heart.
    May I admit that I have also past similar situation in Life, where, :- " SUCCESS :- means falling deep into valley, while FAILURES :- means at the top of the peak Again, where successes were very few but failures were uncountable.
    But I have learn one lesson from the Nature. Look at the stars they are alone, but they successfully display their valor and keep their unique presences without altering their own courses.
    And again be KING of thy own-self :- "NO POLITICS, PLEASE".
    See the change and enjoy LIFE as it un-folds itself
    With best wishes.

  6. "Being selfish for your own betterment is a right thing to do especially when the world around you is so selfish to you? Is there another way I could have chosen?"
    Yes. You could have switched your job. Though selfish people exist everywhere, but their numbers vary.

    " Should I be practical or should I be virtuous and principled?"
    Your inner voice already knows the answer.
    (By the way, I guess this wasn't a rhetorical question :D )

    "Do I work to get somebody’s recognition? Or I do work for I love doing it? Do I have to prove myself to this world? What If I chose to silently work and keep living my life? "
    Looks like you are still trying to figure out the purpose of your life. That's great! Even Clark Kent was trying to figure that. Ultimately, he found one. You will find it too. :)

    "What about you?"
    Have had my turn of unfortunate events in the past. But, I opted for the option which I have suggested you. Life is much better now. :)

  7. I can totally relate to the topic, even though I never believed in working "Hard"....Good job, one can easily comprehend the emotions and frustrations.


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