Paralyzed by too much of free time: 3 ways to make to cope up with its effects

 Change is an unavoidable fact. When I moved out of home for the first time, changed cities, got married, or switched jobs. I handled it quite well. But this time, it is challenging. It's been two months now since we moved to the new place, London! It has been a thrilling experience so far - 14 days isolation, Airbnbs, house hunting, job interviews, celebrations away from home etc. All said and done, taken everything in a stride. And trust me, this can be hard but not challenging. Rather, the challenge for me is to manage my time specially when I am out of job currently. 

With ample of time at my disposal and for a freak like me who can't think of wasting time doing a nonsensical thing, this is challenging! I never had this much of free time ( except for when I attended Vipassana but there I was devoting my time for meditation). I know some of you may be rolling your eyes because this is what exactly most of us wants when we are tired our jobs. Free time. But free time with no plan - this is not good; maybe good for 10-15 days but not beyond.  

"Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise. Most people can't handle a structureless life." ~ Douglas Coupland

Image by DigiPD

Thanks to my partner who noticed that I am feeling a little out of place and not being myself at times. As we discussed, I realized how I am obsessed with a set routine. But somehow, my routine has gone for a toss because situations have changed altogether. I was feeling overwhelmed and didn't know what I need to do and how can I better utilize time. Towards the end of our conversation I accepted that I need to mend my ways to accommodate and  embrace this change in my day-to-day life and find value-added activities to indulge in. 

It's ironic, that in my profession I help clients to embrace change. I discuss the change management plans for them to adopt the changes in their day-to-day operations. But in real-life I totally missed it. Phew! Lesson learnt :-) 

Here are three things that I am following to prepare my mind to embrace this change and use my free time effectively. These activities help me to face my daily dilemma and keep me away from procrastination and anxiety:

1. 5 minutes meditation whenever stuck: An year and a half back, I attended Vipassana wherein I learnt to focus on present. And I try to practice it now more often than before. I find it to be the best way to calm my senses whenever I realize myself to be torn between past and present. The constant comparison in mind between my past routine in India and present often drifts me away from making the best of available time. Five minutes of quick meditation and stillness helps me to bring my focus on present and value it. It allows me to think what matters to me the most.   

2. Journaling: Thanks to my father who suggested that I should journal, a practice I had long forgotten. So now, every morning, I write my thoughts and also note down 5 things that I want to accomplish today. It could be as simple as preparing meals to listening audio book. Knowing what I want to do makes things easy for me and helps me to manage my daily errands. At the end of the day, when I reflect, it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I have done something valuable and made some additions to my wisdom and knowledge. 

3. Trying something new: This was a suggestion by my partner. Why? Because now is the time to explore what I really like. Or may be something that scares me. For example, he suggested to look out for part time jobs to understand what an average person does for living in this city and gain new perspectives. It will also help me to have a set routine :-)  Or learn a new language as I really get anxious about learning something on my own through my own means ( yes, I am an old school person, still like taking classes rather than exploring through freely available knowledge in DIY style). Learning something new always excites me. And apart from excitement, it helps me to take my mind off from daily stress and gives me a sense of satisfaction of learning a new skill. 

Well, these may not be full-proof techniques to help overcome such anxieties. But certainly, these are helping me to keep myself active, boost my mental health and add meaning to my every day life. I am trying to take one day at a time and see what best I can do to make the most of it. 

In case you are a freak like me and have been in a similar situation, please do share your thoughts in the comments section. Even if you are not and have suggestions for me that I can try, please share them with me. Nevertheless, if you enjoyed reading this and have any suggestions for my blogging, please do share your thoughts. 

Enjoy your day! 

Later. Someday. Tomorrow but Not Today

I was in a casual conversation with my childhood friend, Robin, when he said ‘Don’t you have more time now, saving on your commute time of about 3 hours. How are you utilizing that time? You have been asking me on movies, books, articles. Tell me, are you going to watch any of these or read any of the books I mentioned.’

‘Yes, of course, I’ll check these. And…’

He cut me halfway and said ‘Megs, If I know you well, you are not going anywhere with this to-watch list. Simply because of your procrastinating nature.’

This took me by surprise not because he was spot on but on confronting this to me. I laughed and so did he and we continued our conversation.

But this small conversation kept me thinking. The word kept echoing in my thoughts.

 Procrastination. Its dictionary meaning is – the action of delaying or postponing something. It is the force that prevents one from following through on what one sets to do.

I know many fellas, who have set some goals in this Covid situation. Reading 10 books in lock-down or watching 5 movies over the weekend. Forget the leisurely goals, go on to LinkedIn and I see 10-12 folks every day in my network flashing their accomplishments on completing professional courses / certifications that might boost their careers or they did so just out of the sheer joy of learning (which I highly doubt).

When it comes to me, Yes, I am a procrastinator. I don’t deny it. I simply can’t act until my heart is 100 %convinced. I like to explore options available at hand and make a ‘choice’. Yes, sometimes, I would take time to even decide upon the course of action – so much of time that either I lose an interest or the event itself becomes unimportant. That’s how my mental wireframe works. –this is how I excuse myself from feeling bad. You can see my procrastinator mind speaking right now. Does this resonate with you as well?  

But does that mean, I push away all the things on to tomorrow? No.

I realized that I have the habit of procrastination way back during my first job. It also dawned on me that this habit had got me into bad situations before as well. It was then I decided to work on overcoming it. I read many blogs on this topic and applied different techniques. But, too many choices and options spoils us.

Hence, I decided to just hold on to one thing, which resonated with me – prioritizing activities.

Yes, prioritization helps. I set simple goals for the day, 2 out of 5 things are important to me. I need to do it ‘today’ itself else bomb will explode and make my life hell. I have to train my mind every single day to finish those top 2 tasks despite all the distractions encountered all throughout the day. But can prioritization help alone? No. The tasks need to be realistic too. The combination of two has worked well for me and help me to keep my mind sane.  

How this has helped? One-line answer to this is – it helps me to distinguish my critical tasks from what is ‘good to do’ but ‘not important’.

I used the word ‘Choice’ in one of the above paragraphs. It’s tricky word as often it is used as a weapon to defend oneself. It’s important that one understands that there is thin line between decisions made out of choices and out of laziness or lethargic attitude. If you haven’t realized it, I would advise you to next time monitor your decisions – is it out of choice or your lazy spirit has cast a spell on you.

And now circling this to closure - how this blog post started, it was all due to the constant push from my family members, friends like Robin and LinkedIn posts which all talks about ‘Do it now, Do it today’. What one constantly feeds into mind, reflect into actions eventually. So, read well and surround yourself with folks who are constantly running behind you for your own good.

To end this post, I’ll quote Buddha “The trouble is, you think you have time.”

Do we have time? If yes, question is – are we living it or letting it slip away. If not, question is – what is it that we would want to do today? Share your thoughts in the comment section.

It’s fine to be Selfish at times.

Surprised? What my title says? Doesn't it contradict with your values which always tell you to be selfless and not selfish? So was I. And it dates back to almost three years back when my friend gave me this advice. I took this advice like any normal person. Selfish means selfish. Hardly did I know that there exist more dimensions that could add wonderful meaning to being selfish.

So what I am talking about? In simple words, being selfish isn't a bad thing at all.  How would you prosper if you don’t invest time in yourself? How would you understand your own goal if you don’t know what it is? How would you help someone else if you don’t have the resources and requisite knowledge? I agree one can always help a person to think positively and make him believe in himself, but one should himself be positive person before giving the gyaan to others. One should himself be happy and content before spreading the joy to others. Have you ever seen a flower with no nectar attracting a bunch of bees? It might but won’t hold for long. You need to have something in you to give to others. Until you invest some time and money in yourself, gain the skills and enhance your learning, how would you offer a helping hand to your friend who needs your advice? 
Didn't you learn- God help those who help themselves. Love yourself first, then you will be able to love others and you will be able to receive love of others. Until you feel good about yourself, no one else can make that happen to you. 

So, it’s ok if you have to miss out few parties to attend some online course, it’s ok if you have to miss few movies to experience a whole new adventure if it makes you happy, it’s ok if you have to sleep less to sharpen up your skills, it’s perfectly ok to say No to your friends sometimes, it’s fine to be selfish at times.

P.S.: It’s a rough draft of my thoughts. I am still trying to understand this concept. I am sharing it so that others can also contribute. Please feel free to share your thoughts. I am a learner, an explorer on this wonderful journey of self-discovery.